Loving You Forever (Battle Born MC Book 7) Read online

I care about Solo. He’s been my best friend and a father to my kid when I couldn’t. Most of all, I love her more than any other woman I have ever touched. I felt higher with her than any other drug I’ve done. It’s my pride that has destroyed my life, not them.

  The gagging and gasping for air pulls me out from the flashback. With how hard I was just sprinting, I can barely stand. I grab onto the chain fence as I violently heave and will my body not to vomit.

  That was the last time I saw Solo and the last words we exchanged. The words of an asshole, just like my dad, the abusing prick that I learned from, come out. I would give anything to have that day back to tell Solo, Thank you.

  I pull myself up to almost standing and blink back the pain, not only from the burn in my lungs and legs, but from the damage I have done and the friend I will never see again.

  The alarm sounds indicating that it’s time to head inside. I’m forced to suck in my feelings, burying them deep inside, the real world is waiting and I’m its bitch. There is no room for emotion here, but someday, somehow, I’ll make it up to my friend; my brother.

  Chapter 5

  Tami

  Cash has grown so much in the last few months since my first day back at The Black Rose. He crawls all over the house and I have had to find inventive ways to keep him confined; from getting into trouble. Concentrating on him has helped me push past the hardest part of losing Solo. Trying to regain my strength and find the part of myself that’s still lost has been a daily challenge.

  “Come on, baby!” I encourage him from my spot where I’m sitting on the floor. Excitedly, he races his wiggly body back to me. His few white teeth poke out with his big gummy smile. He crawls as fast as he can make his knees and hands to move in sync. When he gets within my reach, I pull him up to me and hold his tiny body tight. My little man has kept me moving and fighting.

  It doesn’t matter how I got him or how he came into this world. He was always meant to be mine. I claimed him instantly the moment he was placed into my arms. No one will ever touch him. Cash is everything to me. Every second spent with him is a reminder to me that there is good in this world. Even though I constantly battle with healing the broken pieces I’m left with. He keeps me alive and fighting. I do it all for him.

  His tiny hands hold onto my shoulders to steady his wobbly legs underneath him as he stands in front of me.

  “Kisses for momma, Cash?” I ask and pucker up my lips to him.

  He squishes his lips together and leans in for a goobery, wet kiss. He holds my cheeks and repeats, “Kiss, momma,” before giving me one more.

  “Thanks, baby boy.” I shift to get up and Cash starts to grow irritated that our time is up. His body bounces, his little whimper and pout steels my heart. “My little man is going to be a lady’s man. One more, then we go.”

  His soft little chubby hands hold onto my shoulder and I point to my cheek. He gives me a quick peck, “Yep, I am going to have to watch out for all those girls, Cash.”

  Crossing my legs, I stand and carry him, willingly, and his bag out to the car. Working and writing, I have done my best to find the balance to be his mom and spend time every day to just play with him. I want to be a good mom and, more than anything, I need Cash to know how much he is loved. That is my new purpose in this life, to build the man, this little boy will one day be.

  I buckle him into his car seat, and we head over to Emilia’s house where she and Cuervo wait with a prospect to help babysit. Cuervo steps down from his spot on the porch and helps me with the bag, shutting the car door for me as I carry Cash.

  “¿Cómo están ustedes? How are you both?” I can’t help the grin and the feeling of being cared for by this old biker. He tries as often as he can, Emilia too, to teach the kids Spanish. I love it and I treasure them. They make me feel like Cash has the best grandparents in the world. Race has no meaning to them, just the love for our family.

  “Bien, gracias, Cuervo.” I catch the hard biker off guard. I’ve never been confident in the past to even whisper the words out loud, always too worried that my Spanish would sound horrible. One thing I have learned lately though, is that those small things are just that, too small to worry over.

  “¡Mierda! Look at you, mija, you make me so proud.” He takes Cash from my arms after we walk through the door. He sets the bag down next to the others and hollers out, “Emilia, otro cabroncito está aquí en la casa para ti.” He ruffles the baby’s hair.

  “Cuervo, if you tell me another asshole kid is here, I am going to starve you.” A pissed off Emilia comes barreling into the room. She glares at Cuervo before her face softens and she walks over. She first gives me a tight hug, “Hola, mi chica bonita. Hello, my pretty girl.” She lets me go and drags Cash away from Cuervo and into her arms. “Mi precioso bebé, my precious baby.” She kisses his cheeks and takes off, then halts and looks back at me. “Have a good time with the girls. See you soon, mija. No te preocupes, okay?”

  “Sí, no estoy preocupado. I am not worried.” I wave goodbye as I blow kisses to Cash and Cuervo follows me outside. He stops me on the porch by placing a hand on my shoulder.

  “Mija, I’m so proud of you. The mother you have grown into for Cash is strong. Men think we are the strong ones because we have the muscle to back up our words. But you have the courage to love and made the choice to live with the pain.”

  My eyes burn and my throat constricts at his words. I’m stuck, unable to say anything in return. “Ven, come.” He directs me over to a small table to the side of the porch where shot glasses are already waiting for us. He pours two shots, handing one to me, “To you, mija, una madre muy fuerte. A strong mother.”

  I swallow back the rush of emotions and touch the glass to my lips before slowly tilting the glass back and gently pouring the tequila down my throat.

  Holy shit, the burn from it starts to heat up my insides. The taste is so strong, like nothing I have tried before. My eyes bulge out and my mouth slams shut as my body tries to reject the poison I just drank.

  “Smooth, yeah?” Cuervo asks, chuckling, and takes the glass from my hand. “That was your first shot of tequila?”

  I just nod my head yes and he boisterously laughs, “Que bueno, you’ll need more with that little one. I’ll send you a bottle.”

  “A bottle?” I croak.

  “Sí, you have a boy, mija. He’s gonna challenge you. But that’s a talk for another day. Adios, have fun.” He slaps me on the back, sending me on my way, and I stumble down the stairs with a burning gut and a lot of questions in my head. I hear him laughing behind me and I turn around, almost tripping over myself and falling in the dirt. Cuervo is standing proudly, holding up a shot to toast me before downing it.

  I start questioning my sanity as a mother for leaving my son with a man who is drinking while babysitting. Thank God Emilia and the prospects are here to help because I don’t think he’ll be babysitting at all. I kick up dirt up behind me as I head over to The Black Rose. Jenn reinstated Wednesday girls’ night.

  Walking into the bar through the back door, I find that the girls set the tables up with dinner that’s already been cooked. It looks like it was Kat who volunteered to prepare our meal for tonight. She has warmed tortillas and fajitas waiting for us. I storm in and grab a water bottle from the table, then start chugging it with no hello or nothing. The room instantly goes quiet and I can feel their attention focused on me.

  “Tequila,” I take another long drink. “Cuervo,” I state. Still winded, I wipe the water away from my lips.

  Vegas and Dana chuckle, and Kat’s eyebrow raises, “You drank tequila with Cuervo?”

  I nod my head, not quite believing it myself, “And spoke Spanish too.”

  The room bursts out laughing and Jenn slings an arm around my shoulders. “I love you more every single day, girl, every damn day.”

  “Gee, thanks, Jenn.” I shake my head at her and spot Blade, Axl, and Tank watching us from the parking lot. “You want me to let them in?” I question and
start shifting my weight to open the door and invite them to join us. I don’t get too far because the room erupts into a unanimous, “No!” and I am tugged back into place.

  “No,” Vegas adds a little calmer, “We are at a standoff.”

  Dana nods her head and adds, “They think they get to have all their fun and then want to hang out with us all the time, but the fun isn’t reciprocated.”

  Kat scowls, “They can have our lives and bodies, but they don’t get to own us.”

  “Yeah,” Jenn holds me tighter, “Girls night belongs to the girls, and it’s time we take Wednesday back.”

  “To Wednesday!” They all cheer and chug from the Coronas they’re holding. I, as usual, feel a little out of the loop, but that’s okay. I don’t know if I even want to be involved in this war they have going on.

  The guys just glare, then pull out their phones and start making phone calls and texting. We all watch in fascination while we start eating. A few minutes after they have gone back and forth, they pull out a steel barrel can and dump paper inside of it.

  We go back to chatting and laughing even though we keep watch of the growing crowd of men out in the parking lot. “What in the actual fuck is he doing?” Jenn comments flabbergasted as Saint and Axl carry the BBQ around the front and light it up.

  “Don’t go out there,” Kat warns, “He’s setting you up.”

  “He knows how sexy I think he is when he mans the grill. That dirty asshole is playing with fire,” Jenn sneers.

  “Hey,” Dana interrupts, “I remember all those times he would cook for us before all this,” she twirls her finger around in the air.

  “Yeah, God, back then we were in the puppy state of love. Things were so different then,” Jenn agrees, not allowing the past to blow back in and disrupt her life anymore. To me, that is amazing. I want to be that, one day to stand with my chin high and stare down the world. On my own.

  Vegas laughs, “Yep, until those bikers came into the bar and changed it all. One day we were kicking ass being single and ready to mingle, then bam, lust struck and knocked up.”

  “I remember the night that Axl thrust his hips and sang Cherry Pie to me and then again at the Halloween party. Gave me a striptease. He has to be the stupidest, but funniest, asshole I have ever met,” Dana retells the story with love in her eyes.

  I grow pensive and start sinking into my sad memories. I push really hard not to fall back into despair, but I want to share. “Solo gave me my first kiss in this bar. It was a little peck. But he was the first, and it was right here. I feel him here—” I trail off, needing to stop but managing to find the strength in me to smile. A step at a time.

  Kat’s face beams with pride, “It’s a good fucking bar. Great memories. You girls remember that time we got stoned at the clubhouse the first time together?”

  A room full of smirks are shared, then Kat pulls out a blunt. “It’s only fair, I think, that we make new memories with Tami.”

  “Oh shit, seriously?” Dana groans.

  “Fuck yes, we are,” Jenn adds with a devilish gleam.

  “Jenn, should you be getting high?” I question, truly worried about her sobriety.

  “Probably not, but this I won’t pass up in a million years.” She doesn’t sound worried one bit, then adds, “Light that up. I am going to set the mood with some music.” Jenn gets to work, quickly putting together a playlist while Kat whips out a lighter and lights the blunt. She inhales deeply and holds it for as long as she can before passing the weed to Vegas.

  She takes the joint and does the same before passing it around the group. Dana holds the joint, “I’m soooooo getting into so much trouble.”

  Vegas nudges her shoulder. “Do it, you belonged to me first.”

  “Yeah, but you’re not going to spank my ass red for this.”

  “I can, if you want me to?” she laughs back into her face. “Come on, Dana, viva la revolution.”

  “I want it on record that you are the worst friend,” she grimaces and takes a drag.

  Vegas’s face looks disgusted. “I want it noted that it was Kat’s idea. And I am the best goddamn friend ever, note that,” she pokes at Dana’s arm.

  Dana coughs out at the bud of smoke and covers her mouth when she notices a heated Axl glaring from the crowd of men standing around their bonfire. “I’m fucked.”

  “Hopefully,” Kat laughs, taking the joint from Dana since she stilled like a statue.

  Kat holds it in front of me with questioning eyes. I’m tired of not living and making memories, and I want to try to be different. I grab the joint from her and take a long drag in, holding it for as long as I can, then blowing it out in a cloud so thick, I just have to touch it. My hand comes forward through the haze. I feel so amazing that I don’t even notice that Kat took the joint from me and has already passed it around.

  Dana hands it back to me saying, “Suddenly, I don’t give a fuck what Axl thinks. He is sexy, though.” She waves and blows him kisses from her seat. All of us turn to watch as the guys bust out laughing while Axl can’t help but allow the crack of a smile to break out into a full-blown smile. He shakes his head at her and grabs another beer.

  I turn back to the group when Dana asks Jenn, “Play our song, Jenn?”

  “Coming right up.” Jenn stops the song that was already playing, and the speakers blare out the lyrics to Cherrie Pie by Warrant. The joint is long gone by now and the five of us dance to hers and Axl’s song, then a few many more before we tire out.

  “Kat, do you see that?” I nudge her, and her glassy eyes follow mine to where Tank is standing shirtless, in front of the fire. I blink and blink again. “Can you ask him to put a shirt on? Those nipple piercings are glowing from the fire and are very disgusting for me to see.”

  Nodding along, she whispers on her way out of the bar, “Girls’ night is so over. I’m growing horny for my Ol’ Man. Catch you bitches later.” She waves but doesn’t look at us, on her mission to get him. She’s out the door and flying into Tank’s wide-open arms, wrapping her legs and arms him. She devours his face while he bumps his way to an unknown location in the dark.

  Axl, watching the scene from just seconds ago, whips his shirt off and shoves at Blade to do the same. Blade shoves him back and shakes his head no. Axl shoves him again but stops when Blade gives him a look that promises death if he keeps the shit up. He throws his hands up into the air and charges into the bar, aiming for Dana. He spots her easily and drags her by her hand into the bathroom.

  “Gross,” the rest of us say in unison and head out to the small bonfire where it is much safer for our ears. Vegas tucks herself into Blade’s side and Jenn does the same with Saint.

  My gaze wanders around the group until I find an intense pair of eyes narrowed in on me. Snake is standing, watching me over the flames of the bonfire. But my heart and thoughts belong to one man, and I look up at the stars.

  For the first time in a long time, I feel a little more whole. He will always be a part of me, no matter where I go or what I do, and I suspect that the pain is always going to linger, no matter what. The only thing that has changed is that it’s been easier to not crumble and fall apart. I am living and feeling in the moment. A smirk lifts the corners of my mouth, today was a big step. I’m getting there, a little stronger every day.

  Some people will forever be a part of us, others are here just for a short time. But those you love, even in death, will never leave you.

  Chapter 6

  Pawn

  It’s been over a year since I got locked up and thrown away behind these cement walls. I look over the minimal cell and the meager belongings we are allowed to have, which is next to nothing. Loco rests in his bed, calm and cool, as the days drift by. How he feels so relaxed, I have no idea. I guess the difference is that he’s been here so long, he adapted along the way.

  “Be ready,” he calmly warns me from his spot on the bunk bed.

  “For what?” He’s barely said an entire sentence the wh
ole time we’ve been here together.

  “What your club has paid for, revenge.” Slowly, he sits up and listens intently in the silence of the night. His beady dark irises focus like lasers on me and, for a minute, I prepare to take on Loco. But the sounds of footsteps break up the creaks in the nights. The guard that talked to him a few months back slows, then stops at our cell.

  Carefully, he places a small package onto the cement floor and leaves just as quietly. Loco strides from his bed and picks up the package, unwrapping what looks like a towel, then holding two shanks in his hands. My heart hammers in my chest and I pop up from my bed, holding my fists up, readying for the oncoming attack.

  Loco shakes his head at me. Flipping the knife in the air, gripping the blade, then holds out the handle toward me. He nods his head, “You’ll need this for what comes next, cabrón.”

  Slowly, I take the weapon and wait, listening for any noises from the outside. The anxiety ramps up every single slight sound. My eyes dart around in the dark waiting for whatever he has planned to come next. I can no longer hear the guard, only the inmate night crew that cleans and mops the hallway floors.

  Suddenly, shouting erupts from where they’re standing, and a blaze of fire lights up the cell across from us. “The pinche pendejos that work for the cops won’t be an issue any longer.” Loco holds his shank up to his own neck, gliding the weapon straight across without touching his skin.

  His meaning crystal clear. We are going to kill them all, today is my revenge. My hand tightens its grip tighter on the shank. Every punch and kick they delivered coming back to me. Remembering the beatings I was forced to take again, like a helpless kid, raises the killer to come out. I want blood. My nostrils flare and my back tenses preparing to unleash a lifetime of demons on these fuckers.

  Watching, as the loud screeching pierces the air of each cell that those fuckers are in is lit on fire. One guy tosses a liquid from the mop bucket and the other holds a small flame that lights them on fire. They quickly complete their joint tasks with a savage glee in their eyes, then move on through.